Listen you stupid chief!

OH MY GOSH you guys, they are remaking THE SWEENEY as a film. It is going to be set in the modern day, so no big hair and bigger pant cuffs, but I bet it will still be full of DAMN GOOD COPPAHS.

I am optimistic about the project, because the video shows the director just totally getting it. Yes your gun still has bullets! Run! Bang! Run! Bang bang bang!

Questions for a hypothetical conversation with Steve Coogan

This is the face he would make during the interview.

1. Having built up and torn down many characters, some of them over the course of decades, do you ever find yourself slipping into them accidentally, in your mind?
2. Do you think of yourself as a character, noticing your own traits and the way that you speak and walk and dress and so forth? Does thinking about how to be different characters make you more self-conscious? Is this how you ended up playing versions of yourself professionally?
3. Do you prefer playing characters you've created, or is it more relaxed to let someone else write you a part which you can then leave behind when the project's over, eg Roderick the water rat? (Could you ever accidentally slip into Roderick?)
4. Are there aspects of your characters that are aspirational? Do you wish you knew as much about wasps as Tommy Saxondale, for example? Do you wish you were as emotionally resilient as Alan? (Or maybe you do have these things? Would you be able to help me with the raccoons in my shed?)
5. Do you ever wish people would stop laughing and just take you seriously for once?

Najibullah Quraishi, can we be friends?

Dear Mr. Quraishi,

Here's the thing: I realize that for you it would be like being friends with a flatworm, but at the same time I would like to ask you some questions. For example, should I be supportive of the Canadian mission in Afghanistan right now? If yes, what should we be doing differently? Should I quit my job and just storm parliament already? What I'm hoping is that you will tell me what to think about the issue, whereupon I will feel more politically confident, and at the very least I will know what to ask for, despite our government's probable unwillingness to provide it. They seem to have their own very fixed ideas. But I'd still like to know.

It might seem like laziness on my part, but then don't you think it would be presumptuous of me to make up my own mind, given my cushy situation? Google Maps cannot even give me directions to Kandahar from here. So you see Naji (is it okay to call you that? I hope so), I'm just looking for some expertise. With your excellent moral compass and range of experience in the field, you're really the most qualified person I can think of. In return, I am knitting you a jumper. What size are you? Do you object to having "JUST A SUPER GUY" emblazoned across the front? I could also go with "FEAR ME, JERKS." Your call.

Sincerely,
Emily.

Nielyo

The LIVE BAND in STRIPED SHIRTS with HORNS at the Richmond Ohhhhlympick Oval just played 'Sweet Caroline' and everyone in the house sang along, it was magic.

If you are interested in coverage sans Brian Williams, sometimes it is available, like right now for instance over here.

Who's responsible for airline safety?

Not this guy, he's way too busy drizzling himself with butter under an industrial heat lamp.

Cheap joke!

But seriously, this is just freaking me out.

Paul McGann, MCMVIXXX

I have not ever watched Doctor Who. I realize that there has been considerable renewed interest in the franchise over the last few years thanks to a Mr. David Tennant, who is considered quite handsome. Fair enough. And the new Doctor (premiering next year!) appears to be even more entrenched in the alterna-cheesecake vein, which only proves that the Doctor Who producers know their youthful nerdlady audience extremely well, and are trying to ensure the series' longevity by installing what is essentially a British Wentz in tweed (fig.1, at right) as their new hero. He's very cute, don't get me wrong, I support you, young nerdladies! Chase that tweed fox! But there are other things to be considered, like the fact that I am ancient, and no longer with it; what is out there in the Dr. Whoniverse (actually a real thing on the internet, gurgle) for moi?

Shall I tell you? I shall. It is the Eighth Doctor series on BBC Radio 7. Starring the lovely Paul McGann, whose voice is really his best attribute anyway. The adventures are glorously improbable, and very silly, and always involve disastrously cheesy aliens (I think this is the deal with Who, M.D., but I'm a beginner, so it stands out) and of course there is a harshly shrieking companion lady who always gets into scrapes, boy howdy. She grows on you, though, despite the constant 'oi!'-ing.

McGann was on TV once as Dr. Who, although I have not seen it. He's solely a radio Who now. Because really: Paul McGann does not need to get dragged onto the TV for this gig anymore. Not that he isn't dreamy or anything, because I think it's been clinically proven that (even at 50, long pause) he is. But oh my grandmother, that is not a good look for him, that eighth doctor outfit. And they assault me with it every time I open the BBC page; like cold defiance. I can handle the velvet jacket and the ascot, mostly. But the hair is beyond the pale.

Here, take a look at this fan art (thank you, dedicated fans, you never fail me), and I challenge you not to spontaneously scream, all together now:

AAAH, FLOATING HEAD!

But really it's the wig's fault. It's very alarming, and fully overpowers an otherwise quite nice looking person. And that was in 1996! A man doesn't need to deal with that when he's reached his fifth decade. It's just not right. It shows a lack of respect, strapping that limp rug on his head. Never again, atrocious wig, never again. He looks like Rex Smith after a conditioning accident.

I think we've established, I hate the wig.

And also this is just wrong: