One day I will forget what humans look like and just go around hugging mailboxes and shaking hands with trees all day. Doesn't sound too bad.
It is totally Bread Thursday. Does that need any explaining? NO.
These are rolls made with sourdough starter, which makes the dough nice and moist. Make a snake, tie a knot, tuck one end into the middle of the bread and the other end underneath. It is easy.
In fact, everything about making bread is shamefully easy, especially when you factor in that bourgeois classic wedding present, the Kitchenaid Mixer (insert angel choirs here). I am 4 serious Holmes, do not buy bread unless you are currently working three jobs and are just too busy. Or maybe you have a nice relative who makes all of the bread, I don't know. At least, do not buy it from the grocery store, that stuff is like, pudding with crumbs? And petrochemicals probably? Who knows.
These buns also have oregano in them, so your sandwich is extra faboo automatically. Here, I will take you INSIDE THE BREAD:
Terrifying.
What you do then is just stow it in those big freezer baggies, and remove from freezer as necessary for mid-afternoon carb-gorging. Preferably while watching 80s classics! OH LLOYD.
Dear Mr. Quraishi,
Here's the thing: I realize that for you it would be like being friends with a flatworm, but at the same time I would like to ask you some questions. For example, should I be supportive of the Canadian mission in Afghanistan right now? If yes, what should we be doing differently? Should I quit my job and just storm parliament already? What I'm hoping is that you will tell me what to think about the issue, whereupon I will feel more politically confident, and at the very least I will know what to ask for, despite our government's probable unwillingness to provide it. They seem to have their own very fixed ideas. But I'd still like to know.
It might seem like laziness on my part, but then don't you think it would be presumptuous of me to make up my own mind, given my cushy situation? Google Maps cannot even give me directions to Kandahar from here. So you see Naji (is it okay to call you that? I hope so), I'm just looking for some expertise. With your excellent moral compass and range of experience in the field, you're really the most qualified person I can think of. In return, I am knitting you a jumper. What size are you? Do you object to having "JUST A SUPER GUY" emblazoned across the front? I could also go with "FEAR ME, JERKS." Your call.
Sincerely,
Emily.
Argh, Casey from Ninja Turtles!
Okay, for the record, strippers.
Things that everybody knows:
- Strip bars are way less interesting in real life.
- Strip-choreography is not generally as creative or interesting as one would like.
- Strippers' bodies are largely plastic, surreal caricatures of womanhood. This makes the experience of seeing them naked equally plastic and surreal. Last week I was in a public washroom when a woman decided to pee with the door wide open, and it sent me running down the hallway of the professional building. Running. Whereas the strippers are just kind of there, you know?
- It's a living, even though most people's moms don't want them doing that.
- It is cruel to refer to an actor who is just doing his job as 'Casey from Ninja Turtles'.
- Stripping is probably forever, barring some nuclear incident, and even then you could take your clothes off for cash in a fall-out shelter, although what you would then spend the cash on I don't know. Maybe you could create some sort of ultra-primitive economy where everyone is simultaneously a stripper and a voyeur, and you all just run around in the shelter shoving money in each others' underwear.
- Don McKellar and Sarah Polley directed by Atom Egoyan in CANADIAN FILM ABOUT LIFE COMPLICATED.
Look into his big pretty eyes, he is having feeelings.
